BE YOUR CHILD’S GOOD FRIEND

Some experts say that relationship between children and parents should be friendly. A mother and father should not only be friendly but also should be a guide. The nature of relationship between parents and children is utmost fundamental and important. Western and the materialistic world have made this relation very superficial. A mother, undoubtedly, should be a close friend to her daughter (saheli) and father should be a friend(dost) to his children as in certain matters or perspective parents do need to play that role. But in the stages of childhood, adolescent and teenage, many a turn comes where, along with being a friend, you have to be a mentor, leader and guide as well. How is this possible? You can become a good friend and a mentor of your children by reading the following points.

Listen to your children: Nowadays parents have reduced conversation with their children. They only know to command. If the young child stammers sweet innocent words parents get happy and ask the child to repeat again and again, but as they become big and are able to speak well, parents converse very less with them. As the child grows the conversation with them gradually decreases.

Listen to your children, and permit them to discuss their issues with you. Normally, in most of the families, mothers play role like a ‘middle man’ and places the issues or demands of the children in front of their fathers. This should not happen. As it is said, that parents should talk with their children having eye contact at least for three minutes in the mornings and evenings.

Conversation doesn’t mean that only parents should speak and keep on giving advices and instructions to the children, but a better conversation is that where one listens first; Allah has given us two ears and one tongue. That means we should listen twice the time we talk. An important advantage of listening first is that we become able to understand other’s matter, issues and point of view. Only after rightly understanding we will be able to provide suitable answers or solutions. The additional benefit is that you gain more respect from them because you are giving attention to their talk. Trust builds towards listeners. Good parents are those who listen to their children politely when they talk.

Try to solve their problem after listening to them. Children, most of the time, need your emotion, love and encouragement. Parents can understand the problem only after listening properly. Ask necessary questions to understand the problem thoroughly. After you understand the problem, analyze what they need. Is it your love, guidance, emotional support or encouragement that they need? After listening to them do not command like a dictator. Try to solve the issue through consultation and by seeking the opinion and suggestions of the children. Include children in the decision making process. Especially decisions that are related to children.

For example the decision to buy clothes for them, to buy school bags, while deciding the picnic spot, while buying books for them and if they have a separate bedroom then the choice of colour of the room is to be decided by them.

If you force your decisions on the children then they are not satisfied. However, if a child is making a big mistake, or you think that something is not good for the child, in such case you should make your child understand by explaining the reasons involved. After explaining, convince and motivate them to change their decision. Such situations are to be faced by parents from their childhood until they reach college. Such confusions and dissatisfaction seem to occur most of the times while choosing the proper stream after completing 12^th class.

Appreciate your Children: A good friend is one who appreciates his friend. Listening to the words of appreciation is a natural inherent quality. Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) has prohibited fake appreciation or such glorification that makes the person proud and boastful. Proper appreciation is permitted. Prophet (pbuh) would also appreciate his companions in an appropriate manner as and when required. Appreciate children when they do good work. When we appreciate children it also helps them stay healthy. Psychologically too they behave well and take more interest in their studies.

Parents rarely praise children when it comes to education. Children who score good marks are blessed and lucky but those who are weak always get to hear taunts and insulting comments. On the contrary, children who are weak are more deserving of your emotional support. If you want to see an increase in the abilities of the weaker one then focus on them and pay attention to them, appreciate and encourage them. Today neither schools nor teachers encourage a weak student. Hence it is necessary that parents encourage such children. For example, if a weak child struggles to learn to write ‘A’, then he should be appreciated and encouraged by using the words such as ‘Good well done, today you have learnt to write A, soon you will be able to write ‘B’ too.’

Story – How does appreciation encourages and motivates children? Let us read a short story regarding this. It is said that this incident is about the famous scientist Edison, but this has not been researched, that is why let us just consider it as a story. When this great scientist became a great man and was shifting from his small residence to a big house, he found his mother’s diary. In between the pages of the diary he found a letter. He immediately recognized the letter that the letter was the same letter his teacher had written to his mother. And it is this letter that has made him a big scientist. In fact, when he was in class eight, his teacher had written that letter and asked him not to open nor read it but give it to his mother. When he gave the letter to his mother, she read it, smiled and kissing him said that his teacher has written that my child is very smart, you are very hardworking and intelligent; you are much more capable than the other children of your class. The teacher has also written that, “I cannot teach such an intelligent child! That is why from tomorrow onwards I will not teach Edison.”

But, today, when this child being an accomplished scientist cried continuously after reading that letter. He supplicates for his mother a lot. In fact, whatever Edison’s mother had told him was not what was written in the letter but the real words were- “Your son is very stupid, lazy, with no interest in studies and very mischievous, hence, do not send him to school from tomorrow.” But see how wonderfully did a mother used that letter in a positive way and helped her child to become a great scientist.